I Want To Be A Stalker

Dear readers,

If you have any experience in stalking someone or know someone who was/is stalking someone right now , Please Please contact me via email or msn or facebook. I need your help, your expertise, your story. I want to be a stalker!

Yours
M.T ( rookie stalker wanabe )

Smoking

I am a smoker. I am aware of the health risks to myself and to others due to second hand smoke. I also live in public housing (read enforced communal living). I also like to think that I'm considerate to non-smokers' feelings most of the time. That being said, my nearest neighbor's doors and windows are at the very least, ten metres away from my front door. Every now and then I like to stand outside my house in the common corridor and have a smoke enjoying the view. Hey, I paid a crazy amount of money to enjoy the conveniences, amenities and VIEW afforded by my flat's location. That being said, flashback to yesterday.

I was on the phone with M.T standing outside my flat having a smoke and enjoying the view, when I heard someone going "Excuse me," I turn around and see my neighbor's wife whom both by the way are NRIs (read Ooru pundehs). Still on the line I replied her, thinking she needed some assistance. To which she answered, " Sorry,can you not smoke in the corridor? The smoke is coming into my house." My other neighbor, this nice old lady was standing outside, watching this mini drama. And to compound it the NRI's two small daughters were outside as well. Distracted, wanting to avoid a scene, caught by surprise plus I was done with my ciggie, I nodded my head and came back into my home. Then it hit me, why in god's name did I just agree to something as inane as that request? M.T told me to drop it as she said it wasn't worth the hassle. I was stewing about this all nite and this morning when I opened the door this morning, there she was cleaning the area in front of her house. I went back in considering whether I should approach and discuss this with her and her husband. By the time I decided she had already gone back in. So I decided to do a little experiment. I went out and had a smoke. Took my time about it too. And guess what? No one came out. I suppose her sense of smell must be through her eyes. I mean, it's not like I do it all the time, maybe a couple of times a week? If you told me your children are sensitive to smoke I would respect that and not smoke outside if your children were outside. Maybe the next time she cooks fish I should go over and tell her I don't like the smell and ask her to desist cooking fish?

WTF??? You're just renting the house and you have so much to say? I bought mine bitch! You arses (read NRIs) can live with the smell of excrement outside your windows in your own countries but come to mine and you pee rose water ah? Screw you all! Go back to your own backwater nation and try acting like this. Your neighbor would put his unwashed foot up you arse. Try this with a manjan (read Chinese) and see lah, after that everyday he'll clear his ashtray in your plants. Try with the grago (read Eurasian) neighbor lah. Go tell him his dog noisy lah. He will let the dog run riot in your house.Same race, you want to take advantage ah? You think you superior to me izzit? This orlang (read black person) underneath pure beng/kuppeh (read chinese uneducated lout/indian good for nothing). The outside, ejucated, ejucated (read educated) for show only. Won't take me very long to act like a cheeby (read cunt). I try to be a good neighbor you want to pray, pray (read play, play) ah? I activate Little Turtle the original annjadi (literal translation five foot path, read indian ruffian) on your arse then you know...

Till next time,

Our thoughts for the day,

Don't Smoke... Eat Right... Exercise... Die Anyway!

-Nightwatch

THE PIGEON WHISPERER

A pigeon sits on a bar...

Pigeon : prr prr

Brat : Prrr Prrr

Pigeon : prrrrrrrrrr prrrrrrr

well this goes on like for 5 mins

Poor Me : What the Hell are you doing ? do you want to go to the park or what?!

Brat : Hang on a second , just a little longer PLEASE!

Poor Me : Fine.

Another 5 mins later

Brat : Thanks for waiting we can go now.

Poor Me : Are you gonna tell me what just happened?

Brat : I guess she wont mind, the pigeon wished me Merry Christmas so I wished her happy holidays with her family and she said she has no family to go to for the holidays. So I told her we live close by and she is always welcome.

Poor Me : The pigeon told you all this?

Brat : Yes.

Poor me : How is that you understood all that?

Brat : Well I speak Pigeon.

Poor Me : since when?

Brat : for a while now, I also speak horse, English, German and Japanese, hmm right now I am working on German pigeon and Italian Pigeon.

Poor Me : German Pigeon ?

Brat : yaa...the German pigeon is more rough like PPRR PPRRR like that. Get it?

Poor Me : Honestly...I don't want to know! Just Promise me you will not add this in your resume one day!

Just for Takes

Me : I am sorry I have to give sandwich again for school lunch tomorrow.

Brat : Than I am also sorry I have to send lunch back tomorrow.

Me : Oh I am also so sorry, I found out you have not been cleaning your room, so you need to sleep in the garage for 1 wk as punishment.

Brat : Sandwich...YUMMY ! you are the best!

M.T