I thought I am lonely here, but not as lonely as I felt visiting back 'Home'. Its been 2 weeks since I got back from my vacation. A lot has changed. I realised that home was always been where my friends are. The friends I left behind are not the same people I used to know. Not all but some of them. Some have gotten themselves into stupid problems, Some have gotten themselves so deep into work have forgotten how to have any fun. Some have gotten into relationships that is so wrong in every level. I realised it was time to go back home. I feel more home here now than ever before. But still there are those who never changed and did make my trip bearable and managed to put a smile on my face.
The friends that have changed had many reasons to why they had no time for me, 'Stupid problems' were broke. 'Working too much' had no time obviously. While the ones on 'cloud 9', honestly I have no idea what could possibly be their excuse. Than again There have been times when I used to be so blinded by someone, I lost every sense of reality except for the time. I was very aware of every second, So I can rush off to my "beloved" in time for dinner. oh boy how I miss those TEEN years.
I made a conscious decision to fly back a day early. It was very clear I was not needed or wanted for the matter. In the flight I felt a tear drop, as much as I was happy to be going home. I felt sadden that I don't know when my next trip will be and if I would want to go back any more. I was frustrated, for not being able to help friends in trouble and for not being able to spend quality time with those I cared about. When I finally got home, The person I least expected messaged me to ask if I got back home fine and asked how was my flight. After all it's not as if we have been friends for long. (we did spend my romantic nights together though ;)
Couple of days later I get a call from a mutual friend informing me about a senior whom I went to school with has been in coma for a week after a brain surgery, and I just wanted to kick myself for not knowing this sooner. I felt worse than I did before. I wanted to be there for his wife, at least to hold her hand and sit by her. He died last Saturday. Leaving behind a son and his wife my classmate and friend.
M.T
