Sisters...

I'm being held at gunpoint and no hospital privileges if this post is not uploaded so please forgive me for all the lies I have to tell right now... :P Just remember lil sis... You asked for this...

23 years ago, my parents made a rather large error and for reasons unknown picked up a girl , child from a tong sampah (dustbin) outside K.K . Boy, are they regretting that decision now! And that was was how I came to have a lil sister. Being only a decade+ in age difference, I promptly spent my formative years ignoring the whiny, snivelling, crying, snot filled brat. Hey! I had better things to do at the time... So most days we ignored each other, and the days she didn't, she followed me around like a lost poodle... Did I mention she has maggie mee hair? Flash forward to her 9th or 10th birthday, we're celebrating it at home and she goes missing... Literally. A manhunt was organised as she was last seen heading for the bbq pits downstairs and the family thought she was dognapped... sorry kidnapped. Guess who was drafted to do a floor to floor to floor search? Anyways as I went floor to floor grumpy that I was missing my Saturday night booze fiesta I heard the lift alarm on the lower floors and went to investigate.; Lo behold, there was the birthday girl in all her finery, trapped in the lift. Karma huh? :p So basically I called Emergency Services to release her all the while standing outside the lift consoling the monkey. EMS finally gets there and releases the animal who comes zipping out of the lift and grabs me in a bear hug and refuses to let go... Go figure... Anyways we finally bonded when she was much older and not as poodle brained. And we did it over cooking no less!. Anyways, after all is said and done she's my sister and I love her to bits. There! I've said it! And if anyone says anything we will have an issue. I mean, the best way express my relationship with my sister would be, to quote the Jack Nicholson, the Joker, " Beauty and the Beast... But if anyone else calls you a Beast I'll rip his lungs out!"

Till next time,

Our thoughts for the day,

Brothers and sisters, fighting is as natural as a white man's dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.

- Nightwatch

Lovers and Friends

I've been meaning to write this post since Jan, however for some reason or the other I kept postponing it. So today, I have seated my ass firmly down and decided to put it up. This post is dedicated to my dearest of friends M.T. As mentioned in our FAQs M.T and I have known each other for 15 years or so. And in this time many of us us have seen many facets of her, but we often fail to realize a very important one. I remember my first meeting with the person she would end up spending her life with, our dear Reverend. I hope he has forgiven me for certain cross cultural comment I made... What can I say? I was a young smart mouthed punk... Now I'm a older smart mouthed punk with a little more class... ;) Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is, even while reminiscing, she gets eclipsed. And that boys and girls is the heart of the matter. Somewhere along the line some or all of us have forgotten what M.T truly is, a dedicated and supportive friend, a oft times over protective mummy not to 1 but 3 kids, me included. But most importantly a wife who has stood beside her man supporting him in every decision he has made. Gone through thick and thin with him without a word of complaint. So here's to you M.T, may your cup runneth over and all your choices bear sweet fruit.

Till next time,

Our thoughts for the day,

Thoughts are words waiting to be spoken. Some people are just too shy to say them aloud for the world to hear, so they write them down for the world to see.

The Tooth Fairy

Brat : Bye Bye Daddy

Daddy: Bye

sound of car driving off

Brat : You know last night who took my the tooth?

Poor me : The tooth fairy?

Brat : NOOOOOOO It was Daddy!

Poor Me : Ya right. Why would he do that?

Brat : I swear to you ! It was DADDY! he came into my room last night and took my tooth from under my pillow and left the money there.

Poor Me : Why would your father want your disgusting tooth? and even pay you for it?

Brat : look you need to believe me, I saw him !

Poor Me : still can't be. I saw and heard him snore the whole night Brat. It's impossible...you must have been dreaming.

Brat : well The tooth fairies have special powers! they can throw some magic dust on you and make you fall into deep deep sleep and they go out looking for tooth under kid's pillows!

Poor Me : WHAT?!

Brat : Do you know what does this mean?! This is So Cool! My Dad is a tooth fairy!!! Oh man I can't wait to tell my friends.

Poor Me : OH God NO!

Brat : My Daddy is a tooth fairy lalalala my daddy is a tooth fairy lalalala I'm gonna make a song for him. Yeah!

Poor me : This is definitely Not helping my sex life :)

Brat : What did you say?

Poor Me : Nothing I'm just happy for you that your Dad is "special"

Brat : Thanks! My daddy is special. My daddy is special. lalalala...

Poor Me : ok you can stop singing now!

M.T

Brat the mathematicians

Brat: how was your coffee break with daddy?
Poor me: fine, thanks.
Brat: did he try to kiss you?
Poor me: yes
Brat: AND...???
Poor me: I kissed him back
Brat: THATS IT!!! Time Out!!! You hear me?!
Poor me: how long?
Brat: 10 mins and if you say anything or try to cheat out of the time out, I will add another 5 mins and than you will get 20 mins Time Out!
Poor me: ok fine genius. The car is here now.
Brat: I know I'm a genius. You keep quiet and get into the car and don't dare talk to that naughty man! Or else I will add another 5 mins and...
Poor me: ya ya I know...it will be 20 mins time out if I screw up.
Brat: good. This will teach you a lesson! (shaking his head) Disappointed with you.
Poor me: you don't want to know how I feel about your mathematics skills.

Just FAQs

M.T: Let’s do FAQ

Nightwatch: Ok.

No 1. Why the Name/Tittle?

Nightwatch: Cuz we hoped to get syndicated and make
money from the blog.

M.T: just realized I never actually asked you why you chose the tittle

Nightwatch: We actually discussed it dei...

M.T: ok sorry ...bajani

No2. Why start the blog?

NIghtwatch: Because we were bored, frustrated and
wanted to make a point to certain people.

M.T: remember we were actually against blogging and thought bloggers
were lame people with no life whatsoever

Nightwatch: That's true... LoL

M.T: At the time when we started it just kinda got heated up with new
bloggers back home.

Nightwatch: Yup.

No 3. Who is Night watch?

M.T: I will answer this!!!

He is a mysterious creature of the Nite, who goes around saving
damsels in distress or just need a good time?!

Nightwatch: I do? Really?

M.T: ok maybe not,

Do you want to reveal your identity?

Nightwatch: No?Let's just say I'm tall,
dark and good looking...

No 4. Why is there no picture of you guys on the blog?

Nightwatch: Refer to previous question...We like the whole sexy mysterious thing...

No 5. How
did you both meet and when?

Nightwatch: It was a dark and stormy night...

M.T: IT was?

Nightwatch: The setting, a school campus...The event.... Actually I don't remember...

M.T: neither do I, It was a concert or something

Nightwatch: We just don't care. All people need to know is that we've known each other for a
long time...

M.T: yup I Agree. We met about 16 or 17 years ago and that’s it!

Nightwatch: 15 mike. We met in 97'

M.T: oh ok 15 that’s it! Through a mutual bitch we knew those days...moving on

Nightwatch: Now, that's a story!

No 6. Does it bother your family and friends when you guys write about
them?

M.T: I never really asked anyone how they felt

Nightwatch: Neither have I. And since they haven't
said anything I assume they don't mind...

M.T: usually when it’s about someone else they know they comment but if
it’s about them they never confronted us I guess.

Nightwatch: I don't think they dare actually...

M.T I know 1 guy would kick our ass actually

Nightwatch: Is he the confused one?

M.T: Appu Azgappa!

Nightwatch: Oh... That one...

M.T: yup, he we normally don’t write about, that boy is Dangerous!

No7. Do you deliberately
hurt certain people when you write?

M.T: No I don’t. Many times after I finish posting my entry up, I get a call from someone
saying I am an insensitive bitch And I should think before I write etc...

What about you dei?

Nightwatch: Actually, truth be told, it's our blog and
I don't give flying fudge if people are hurt by what's written. As we mentioned
in our very first posts, this is our place to let off some steam. And if you
can't handle it... Stay out of the
kitchen! Or to quote Lil Wayne,
"Don't go around fire expecting not to sweat."

M.T: hehe...Amen. Very true. Anyone who feels uncomfortable can always stop reading
but they keep coming for more and expect us to change. Weird.

No.8 Why don’t do Broadcasting?

Nightwatch: Same reason why we don't put up our pics
or reveal personal details. We're shy... LoL

M.T: I just think I have a horrible horrible voice!

Nightwatch: Hey! We're sexy, sexy beasts! Including
our voices!

M.T: you
have a sexy telephone voice I agree, I don’t

Nightwatch: You're just modest dei.

M.T: *Blush*

No.9. why don’t you both find time to write more entries?

M.T: That’s my problem... TIME! I have no time
to even proof read my entries

Nightwatch: I don't know about you, but I actually
want to have a life. Plus, I have a day job, crazy friends, crazier wife and I actually
spend way too much time in front of a laptop. And yes we are!

M.T: Worst question coming up!

No 10. Did we used to date?

M.T: HELL to the NO! I’m too crazy for him!

Nightwatch: Good lord! Crazy meets crazier! World War
3 would have happened. Plus we're much better as friends than if were very
bf/gf at some point of time. We have enough personal baggage without that
thrown into the mix, thanks but thank god!

M.T: ha-ha

No11. How do your partners feel about you guys airing your laundry
out there?

Nightwatch: Again, they've never commented so I assume
it doesn't bother them. But if it does... Nyah, nyah!

M.T: I never asked my spouse how he felt. I don’t really care what he
thinks honestly. He never knew much or was actually not very interested to read
the blog in the beginning. He got interested more these last 2 years I think.

No.12. who are the TMNT?

M.T: I think I leave it to you to answer this one da

Nightwatch: People don't know? Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael
and Donatello. Get with the programme
people!

No13. Why don’t the Brat and Nightwatch talk more?

Nightwatch: cuz there's only 5315.37km separating us. Seriously
IDD expenses plus the brat has memory issues. Sometimes I think there's a goldfish residing between his
ears...

No.14. what does M.T stands for?

Nightwatch: You want to answer this?

M.T: Nope

Nightwatch: You really want me to answer?

M.T: Nope, I know you dying to But no thanks.

Nightwatch: That would require an explanation as
well.

No 15. When will you guys close shop? Ever thought of closing down
this blog and do a makeover with a new blog, like many other bloggers?

Nightwatch: Why? We're perfectly happy with this one.
We may branch out, but this will always be our baby...

M.T: I don’t see the reason to change the blog site but I have thought
of a makeover, To change the background maybe?

Nightwatch: We do that like once a year dei...

M.T: no we don’t, we have had this blue back ground for 3 yea

Nightwatch: Really? You're the artistic co-ordinator dei.

M.T: So I guess we are done
than. Thank you very much for your Time. Any last comments?

Nightwatch: Anyways, if there are further queries, please email
them to mailto:willigetananswer@nouwont.com.

M.T & Nightwatch

"One good reason to maintain a small circle of friends is that 3 out of 4 murders are commited by people who know the victim."

George Carlin

Gratitude

Wanting change doesn’t mean lack of gratitude. There have
been so many voices around on the latest issues. Words were exchanged. Comments
were made. Ideas were thrown out of context. The latest accusations among many
before were Gratitude. The young ones lack of it that is. Wanting a change does
not mean disgracing the pass or disrespecting the fundamental of history. What
is so wrong in wanting a change, even if we are going to regret it? How will I
know it’s a mistake if I shy away from the possibilities? Would we have come
this far if our older generations shied away from the possibilities of change
that was offered to them than? If we do regret, let us cross that bridge when we
get there. Let us apologise than and not before I have even tried to “rebel”. We are thankful for what has happened but I
refuse to say I am sorry for wanting to have a change even if it makes us look “ungrateful”.

I’m grateful for my parents upbringing, I’ve learned allot
from them which I will carry on with my kids but not all of their values suit
the next generation. I have to adapt to the time and social pressures the kids
are facing now. The parenting that worked 2 decades ago may not work now. We have been evolving so fast and to evolve
you need changes to implement your social standings. Let it be your career,
family, media, etc. We are such creatures, in need of constant changes. Or else
we would have not embraced new radical ideas centuries after centuries. If
wanting change is being ungrateful than we should have said No Thank you Mr
Karl Benz, I will stick to the horses cause I’m just being grateful and they
are reliable. Bill I don’t need for all that fancy Microsoft thing you are
doing in your basement because that’s why we have pens for you nerd. Imagine cavemen
being ungrateful to animal skin/fur just because they found how to make fire. I
doubt they walked around naked just because they had fire. Going “I no need
warm animal on body...I god, make fire! Screw the animals!” What will jockeys do without horses and it’s
not as if we don’t use a pen still. The good never goes out of style or never
gets erased from history. Why does some thing new that will make us think, and
evolve as a society has to be labelled as “ungrateful children”?

None of us would have benefited anything from science if not
for taking chances. Having said that, if wanting change makes us youngling’s
brats, let it be. From what our own history has taught us is... the brats make
history. You have made yours and now let us make ours. Let it be family,
career, Sports, engineering, medicine or even something as small as politics.

Chucky's mom

My mom faces racial bullying in China Sq by an old Chinese man. When I asked what was her response to him.
Mom: "Ignore the ignorant morons! Obviously he was expecting a response, why give him what he wants. I have too much class for that. So I just told your brother, let him go and handle it."

Me: "OMG!!! What happen to class?!"

Mom: " I said I have class, I didn't mention anything abt ur brother ok "

Me: Ma!!

Mom: "this is going to be so much fun hehe "

Me: OMG! OMG!

Save the Pigeons ( the return of the pigeon activist)

After a 5 minute walk...

Brat : I need a drink!

poor me : I just got you a very expensive mineral water!

Brat : I need a coke or I'm going to drop!! Lets go here ( pointing to a cafe) our usual place! ( we have been there once)

Poor Me : Fine here is the money, go and get us 2 cokes. I'll sit here and rest.

(Brat walks back with a big smile)

Poor Me : where's my change Brat?

Brat : Can I keep the Change? Pleeeasssee!

Poor Me : As always I will ask you why? and that is a lot of money.

Brat : For my Fund.

Poor Me : What Fund ?

Brat : Save the Tsunami Pigeon Fund!

Poor Me : WAT the ...! are you out of your mind?! No wait don't answer that PLEASE.

Brat : You think The pigeons were not affected by the earthquake and the Tsunami? Everyone is only helping the people! What about the pigeons? I'm the only one who can talk to them and help them so I've started a fund for my pigeon friends!

Poor me : They are pigeons why the hell didn't they fly high and away?

Brat : Well...some of them were too slow and the ones that made it but lost their homes...you know nest! The water went all the way to the trees and damaged all their homes and I need to build them new ones!

Poor Me : Why do you need so much money to build nest for god sakes ?

Brat : WELL NEST ARE NOT CHEAP!!! That's why!...you ask lots of questions you know!

Poor Me : FINE! give my change back and go find some other IDIOT who will fund your 5 star Nest building Save the Pigeons Project!

Brat : That's a Great idea I'll ask DADDY!!!

M.T

Places to be, things to do and people to screw Part 2...

I was talking to M.T earlier today and we suddenly realized something one of our most talked about posts was our top 10 list. So we decided to come up with another one. Without further ado... Presenting our Top 5 Indians we'd like to *ahem* 'converse with... First up is mine.

At number 5

Priya Rai - Indian Porn Star. Need I say more?

At Number 4

Bhumika Chawla - She's got this good girl / bad girl thing going for her. The good girl I'd take home to meet the folks and the bad girl... Well let's just say I'd do many, many bad, bad things with her.

At number 3

Ramaya Krishnan - MILF. If she lost some weight. She'd be even hotter. But I'd still do her. Enough said.

At number 2

Shreya Saran - She, I'd do just to irritate Mr Bear. Hehehehe.

And at top spot...

Bipasha Basu - Let's put it this way, if I started today, I might take a short break next month.

And now presenting M.T's Top 5,

At number 5

Karthi -Just cause my mom has a crush on him. I will do anything to piss that woman off :)

At Number 4

Arun Pandian - First Indian dude to ever have 6 packs (not those in a can) and still looks good after 25 years!

At Number 3

Arjun - In my books, You are a Gentleman if you have an ass like that. Oh man his ass is to die for!

At Number 2

John Abraham - Johnny Johnny Johnny...what can I say, my heart(and other parts of my body) goes Dhoom !

Number 1

Mahesh Babu - There is just something about this boy. I wanna grab those huge ass ears and ride him!

Till next time,

Our thoughts for the day,

Yield to Temptation... it may not pass your way again.

- M.T & Nightwatch

Wiser / stronger

Sometimes we hold on to the past too long. Most times we are stupid to forget the mistakes made too soon. When do we know when it's time to let go the misery and learn from our mistakes? I wish I knew the answer to that. I guess you go with what you feel right now. If you are miserable still, than it's time to move on. It's time to forgive the dick for the harm he has caused and It's definately time to forgive yourself for being naive.
There is no need to forget what has been done. This will make you stronger but to forgive...this will make you wiser.

Just saying...:-)
M.T

I want to grow up to be Denny Crane!

They left out Unbelievably rich, a 70 plus years old Lech, gets away with pretty much anything, but besides that the picture says it all!

Till next time,

Our thoughts for the day,

Weird people are like chocolate cake... Some people can't handle the richness...

-Nightwatch

The pigeon whisperer strikes again

After school...

4 irritating kids Quacking their heads off at some ducks by the river.

Crazy Kids : QUack Quack Quack....

Poor Me : why are you so quiet? Why aren't you quacking at the ducks with your crazy friends?

Brat : I can't... Sorry

Poor Me : ok... Why not?

Brat : I don't speak Duck. Sorry.

Poor Me : Reaaallllyyy Brat ?! Have you Really decided to offically ruin my life and send me to the loony bin?!

Brat : I don't know what you are talking about. I'm telling you the truth, I don't speak DUCK!

Poor Me : (looking up to the sky) why lord..WHY? Why ME ?!!!!

Brat : Good Question!

M.T

Why I love men

1. You never have to ask for space. They give you more than you need!

2. The way to their heart is through their stomach (some say penis) I agree with both.

3. They never say no when you wanna get drunk and they never find it disgusting when you puke all over them.

4. As long you let them scratch their balls in private, they let you nag about your Period cramps in public.

5. They don't need you to tell them if they look good. They don't really care and They NEVER NEVER ask you if they look Fat.

Tot of the day ...
I will suck at being a lesbian!

Peace out
M.T

I Want To Be A Stalker

Dear readers,

If you have any experience in stalking someone or know someone who was/is stalking someone right now , Please Please contact me via email or msn or facebook. I need your help, your expertise, your story. I want to be a stalker!

Yours
M.T ( rookie stalker wanabe )

Smoking

I am a smoker. I am aware of the health risks to myself and to others due to second hand smoke. I also live in public housing (read enforced communal living). I also like to think that I'm considerate to non-smokers' feelings most of the time. That being said, my nearest neighbor's doors and windows are at the very least, ten metres away from my front door. Every now and then I like to stand outside my house in the common corridor and have a smoke enjoying the view. Hey, I paid a crazy amount of money to enjoy the conveniences, amenities and VIEW afforded by my flat's location. That being said, flashback to yesterday.

I was on the phone with M.T standing outside my flat having a smoke and enjoying the view, when I heard someone going "Excuse me," I turn around and see my neighbor's wife whom both by the way are NRIs (read Ooru pundehs). Still on the line I replied her, thinking she needed some assistance. To which she answered, " Sorry,can you not smoke in the corridor? The smoke is coming into my house." My other neighbor, this nice old lady was standing outside, watching this mini drama. And to compound it the NRI's two small daughters were outside as well. Distracted, wanting to avoid a scene, caught by surprise plus I was done with my ciggie, I nodded my head and came back into my home. Then it hit me, why in god's name did I just agree to something as inane as that request? M.T told me to drop it as she said it wasn't worth the hassle. I was stewing about this all nite and this morning when I opened the door this morning, there she was cleaning the area in front of her house. I went back in considering whether I should approach and discuss this with her and her husband. By the time I decided she had already gone back in. So I decided to do a little experiment. I went out and had a smoke. Took my time about it too. And guess what? No one came out. I suppose her sense of smell must be through her eyes. I mean, it's not like I do it all the time, maybe a couple of times a week? If you told me your children are sensitive to smoke I would respect that and not smoke outside if your children were outside. Maybe the next time she cooks fish I should go over and tell her I don't like the smell and ask her to desist cooking fish?

WTF??? You're just renting the house and you have so much to say? I bought mine bitch! You arses (read NRIs) can live with the smell of excrement outside your windows in your own countries but come to mine and you pee rose water ah? Screw you all! Go back to your own backwater nation and try acting like this. Your neighbor would put his unwashed foot up you arse. Try this with a manjan (read Chinese) and see lah, after that everyday he'll clear his ashtray in your plants. Try with the grago (read Eurasian) neighbor lah. Go tell him his dog noisy lah. He will let the dog run riot in your house.Same race, you want to take advantage ah? You think you superior to me izzit? This orlang (read black person) underneath pure beng/kuppeh (read chinese uneducated lout/indian good for nothing). The outside, ejucated, ejucated (read educated) for show only. Won't take me very long to act like a cheeby (read cunt). I try to be a good neighbor you want to pray, pray (read play, play) ah? I activate Little Turtle the original annjadi (literal translation five foot path, read indian ruffian) on your arse then you know...

Till next time,

Our thoughts for the day,

Don't Smoke... Eat Right... Exercise... Die Anyway!

-Nightwatch

THE PIGEON WHISPERER

A pigeon sits on a bar...

Pigeon : prr prr

Brat : Prrr Prrr

Pigeon : prrrrrrrrrr prrrrrrr

well this goes on like for 5 mins

Poor Me : What the Hell are you doing ? do you want to go to the park or what?!

Brat : Hang on a second , just a little longer PLEASE!

Poor Me : Fine.

Another 5 mins later

Brat : Thanks for waiting we can go now.

Poor Me : Are you gonna tell me what just happened?

Brat : I guess she wont mind, the pigeon wished me Merry Christmas so I wished her happy holidays with her family and she said she has no family to go to for the holidays. So I told her we live close by and she is always welcome.

Poor Me : The pigeon told you all this?

Brat : Yes.

Poor me : How is that you understood all that?

Brat : Well I speak Pigeon.

Poor Me : since when?

Brat : for a while now, I also speak horse, English, German and Japanese, hmm right now I am working on German pigeon and Italian Pigeon.

Poor Me : German Pigeon ?

Brat : yaa...the German pigeon is more rough like PPRR PPRRR like that. Get it?

Poor Me : Honestly...I don't want to know! Just Promise me you will not add this in your resume one day!

Just for Takes

Me : I am sorry I have to give sandwich again for school lunch tomorrow.

Brat : Than I am also sorry I have to send lunch back tomorrow.

Me : Oh I am also so sorry, I found out you have not been cleaning your room, so you need to sleep in the garage for 1 wk as punishment.

Brat : Sandwich...YUMMY ! you are the best!

M.T